In Q & A, a weekly feature of Fantastic Fangirls, we ask our staff to tackle a simple question — then open the floor to comments. To celebrate our tenth installment we did things just a little differently this week…
Imagine your perfect dinner party. Now, imagine it, instead, with your favorite characters from comics. The Fantastic Fangirls did, each “inviting” a guest.
A dinner party, any party, lives or dies by the host. The guest list, menu, locale, entertainment, etc. etc. — all of this is determined by the host. And looking at that list, how can I choose any host but Gotham’s prince? Bruce Wayne. He can provide the perfect space, the best refreshments money can buy, whatever revelry might be imagined and a company of glittering, glowing, probably vapid but undoubtedly amusing socialites to mingle with.
And then, there is Bruce himself. The best part about Bruce (or the worst, depending on your point of view) is his huge personality — that casual smile, the way his eyes make you feel like you are the only one in the room, maybe the only one in the world, the ubiquitous extravagance, and the way he fits a suit like even James Bond can’t — it is all an act. Bruce Wayne will be the life of the party and should anything untoward and unexpected occur? Batman will save the day.
If Bruce is the ideal party host, then Jean Grey is the perfect guest. She’s vivacious and flirty and (since the X-Men have had public identities for years now) she can tell you about the time she helped the Starjammers use the M’Kraan Crystal to save the universe, instead of pretending to be a schoolteacher or a lab assistant. Jean has great stories — though you shouldn’t ask about that solar-system eating incident unless you really want to know. And don’t bring up what you heard about Cyclops and the blonde at all, if you know what’s good for you.
For the most part, though, Jean’s a must-have on Bruce Wayne’s guest list, because of all these qualities and because — I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough — she has absolutely no interest in Bruce Wayne. Sure he’s rich and charming, and he’s raised a lot of money for good causes. But Jean’s interested in guys who are leaders, driven men who make hard choices and don’t just throw money at a problem. You wouldn’t know it to look at this fun-loving girl, but Bruce just isn’t serious enough for her. Still, she does wonder. . .it’s not especially surprising that the owner of a multibillion dollar high tech corporation would have access to high-level telepathy blockers to keep her from reading his thoughts. She just doesn’t know what kind of secrets he could possibly have that she would be interested in.
Katina Choovanski would have run into Bruce Wayne. Not under her real name the first time, you understand. But a high-paid call girl extortionist who defies the Mob and turns to a quiet life of art is not someone that would go unnoticed by Mr. Wayne. Either in his role as a patron of the arts, a patron of other arts (though Katchoo never really went for male clients), or in his — *cough* — his other role as one who keeps track of all things relating to organized crime, Mr. Wayne would know Katchoo.
As a dinner party guest, well, Katchoo would be . . . erratic. She doesn’t like talking about her art. She doesn’t talk about her past. She won’t talk about Francine — especially not if they’re on the outs. She’d smoke a lot, and drink rather more than prudent. But Mr. Wayne is not the only person at this party. There’s the gorgeous, funny, extremely intelligent red-head at the table. Jean Grey.
Katchoo would mutter, she would drink the champagne, and she would find herself pulled in. The tales of space are great, sure, and when Jean tells them it’s all very funny, but Katchoo is no slouch at reading what people aren’t saying. So she shares back, and tells a short little story about a client of hers, and Jean is only a tiny bit shocked, and she laughs warmly, and Katchoo decides she will go ahead and do the painting Mr. Wayne wanted for the new wing of the hospice.
Well, this party is going just a bit too well, don’t you think? I guess it’s time for the obligatory Wolverine guest appearance.
When I think of Logan at a party, the image that comes to mind most easily is the scene set by Mr. Garth Brooks in one of his most anthem-esque songs. “Blame it all on my roots, I showed up in boots, and ruined your black tie affair. The last one to know, the last one to show, I was the last one you thought you’d see there. And I saw the surprise, and the fear in his eyes, when I took his glass of champagne…”
Don’t get me wrong–Logan has an espionage background. If he chose to, he could be the ideal party guest. He’d probably even keep his elbows off the table. But I can’t imagine a reason for him to do so in this instance (short of Jean asking him really, really nicely), and I can quite easily imagine him showing up to drink all the alcohol, insult all the guests, and claw up the tablecloth. He’s not, as they say, “big on social graces.” And if he managed to start a brawl on top of the table, complete with scattered silverware and airborne mashed potatoes, so much the better.
Forget The Prestige–I’m ready to see a Wolverine/Batman battle conducted over hors d’oeuvres.
Now it is your turn — Who would you invite to a dinner party, either the one we’ve supposed or a fresh one of your own? Would it be a smash social hit? A tabloid disaster? Would it change the world? Let the Fangirls know!